A Guide to Toilet Learning

A Guide to Toileting Learning

In a Montessori Toddler Community toileting is always in full swing. The children practice getting comfortable with sitting on the potty chair/toilet, practicing dressing, and undressing independently, and learning to control their bodily functions. With time, a child will start to notice when they have soiled their clothing and learn to recognize when nature calls. Eventually your child will learn to use the toilet. The process of learning how to use the toilet is like learning how to walk and talk - gradual and child led. There are no tricks or quick fixes to getting your toddler out of diapers and successfully using the toilet. Instead, we provide a supportive environment and plenty of opportunities for your child to practice using the bathroom.

Preparing a Toileting Space in Your Home

The first step to supporting your child’s toilet learning journey is to prepare a toileting space in your home. Ideally, you would prepare an area in your bathroom for your child’s toileting needs. But if there is not enough room in your bathroom, then any designated space will do.

You will need the following:

- A potty chair or the toilet which your child can access it independently (for example with a stool).

- A source of water for independent handwashing.

- A small chair or stool to sit down and remove soiled clothing.

- Easy access to extra clothes, wipes, diapers, and cleaning supplies (e.g., towels and a spray bottle of distilled white vinegar).

- A laundry basket where your child can put soiled clothing.

- A basket of books for your child to peruse as they sit on the potty.

The key to creating your toddler's toileting space is accessibility. Think about how you can prepare the environment to allow them to be as independent as possible. For example, you do not need to install a child-size sink in your bathroom, but a stool and faucet extender can make the bathroom sink more accessible to your child for independent handwashing.

The Stand-Up Diaper Change

Once you have prepared a space for your child's toileting needs, you can start doing stand-up diaper changes in that area to encourage collaboration with your toddler. They will be happy to be an active participant in the process, even if all they do is push down their pants. Invite your child to sit on the potty before putting on a new diaper. However long they choose to sit is okay. Remember - no pressure! Your goal is simply to create opportunities for your toddler to sit on the toilet/potty chair. And when you are ready, you can make the switch to underwear.

Potty Language and How to Use It

Be mindful of how you invite your toddler to use the potty. If you make it a yes or no question (e.g., "do you want to use the potty?"), then they will most likely say no. Instead, you can say, "it's time to use the potty," or "let's go use the potty." This way, you do not leave room for them to say no. Of course, there will be times when you forget and ask your child if they want to use the potty. If the answer is no, wait 5-10 minutes before inviting them to use the potty again. See below for a list of other toileting language and phrases to use with your toddler:

- Proper names for body parts

- Use "wet" and "dry" to describe the sensations your child is feeling.

- At school, we use the phrase "freshen up" when we notice a child has soiled themselves instead of calling it an accident (e.g., “I noticed your pants are wet. Let us go to the bathroom and freshen up.").

- We "push down" and "pull up" our pants. We also hold our underwear and pants by the "waistband."

Clothing that Supports Toileting Independence

To support toileting independence, clothing needs to be easy to put on and take off. Bottoms need to be loose-fitting to make it easier to independently pull up and push down (i.e., no leggings or skinny jeans). Look for elastic waistbands, and avoid elastic cuffs around the ankles. Your toddler also needs to be able to remove clothes quickly to make it to the toilet in time. It can be difficult to push clothes down quickly if they are too small/tight or if there are buttons, snaps, or buckles to undo first. While stylish and cute, clothing like dresses, skirts, rompers, and overalls also hinder your child's ability to use the toilet independently. During toilet learning, it is best to keep your toddler's clothing simple.

Don't Sweat the Mess

Your toddler’s toileting journey is going to get messy. There will be pee on the floor and poop in their pants - it is just another part of the process. In those moments, they will need you to remain calm and matter of fact. For example:

“I see there’s pee on the floor. Let us get a towel and wipe it up. Next time you feel you need to pee, you can sit on the potty.”

Avoid negative reactions, which can cause your child to feel anxiety, stress, or shame about their bodily functions and toileting. Prepare for the messy side of toileting in advance by figuring out how you will manage clean-up and making sure you have everything you need readily available. Future you will be grateful!

Regressions and Other Struggles

Your toddler may have a string of dry days, and then one day it seems like they are wetting their clothes constantly. Do not fret! They may just be having an off day, or they may be going through a regression. Either way, it is completely normal. Regressions are typical during toilet learning and can occur for many reasons, big or small. Whether your child develops a cold, your family went on vacation, or you just welcomed a new baby into the family - any of these changes can result in a regression. Trust in the process and remember, “this too shall pass.”

Additional Resources

Toilet Learning, Toddler, MontessoriMarnie McPherson