Do you see your child throwing their clothes on the floor in a heap? Maybe leaving things out on the kitchen table? Interrupting during mealtime? It is so tempting in these moments to jump in, correcting or reminding (often for what seems like the umpteenth time). 

One of the principles to a Montessori approach is taking the time to observe what is happening, noting what you see, and waiting for an opportune time to teach what to do rather than what not to do.

Supporting Undeveloped Skills

For example, a Montessori Guide (teacher) saw that a child new to the classroom was regularly cutting to the front of the line as children prepared to wash their hands. Other children were getting quite upset with this young friend’s tactics to get to the front of the line. 

Instead of reprimanding the child, the Montessori Guide observed that he was not acting maliciously. He just seemed to not yet have or know the skills to line up successfully. At a quiet moment, the Guide connected with the young boy and let him know that when there is a line, we just go to the end of where the line is forming. Grateful for this information on social graces, the child then happily started going to the end of the lines. It turns out the child just did not know the expectations!

It comes naturally to jump in when we see something happening that we do not like. Yet if children are not hurting others, their surroundings, or themself, we practice observing and determining what children still need to learn to be successful. In other words, immediate intervention is not always the first response. 

Observation is Key

The heart of the Montessori method is learning how to observe children in an objective and meaningful way. Adults learn how to look rather than merely see. To look without judgment, expectation, or preference, adults develop a deep inner awareness. This requires that we observe to understand rather than see something and jump to conclusions. 

Montessori education is focused on the natural emergence of young humans at their own pace. The role of adults is to prepare the environment and support children in their optimal development. To do this, we must become constructive observers. We focus on waiting and observing, rather than intervening right away.

How This Can Work at Home

This is something that you can try at home, too. Is your child throwing their clothes on the floor in a heap? Rather than scold or lecture in the moment, try taking a deep breath and making yourself a little note to remember to circle back to the undeveloped skill. Later, when everyone is relaxed and content, take the time to connect with your child. Let them know you want to show them how to either put their clothes in the laundry basket or fold and store them for later use. Practice these options together. Finally, thank your child for taking the time with you to learn this skill. 

Or you can go over the steps to load dishes in the dishwasher. Or how to wait for a pause in the conversation. The trick is to observe for the need and wait to give instructions in a moment when you have your child’s full engagement. Children want to do well. Often, they just need us to observe, pause, and later take the time to show them how to be successful. 

This does not mean that our children will always remember how to do what we have shown. Sometimes they will need a smile and a gentle reminder. Sometimes they will need us to cycle back and demonstrate something again. In cases where safety or firm expectations are at play, children need adults to set clear boundaries. The key is remembering to observe, rather than reacting in the moment. 

The Montessori Approach

Through observation, Dr. Maria Montessori discovered how children’s character is formed through experiences in the environment, how children adapt to their culture, and how children have sensitive periods for acquiring all sorts of important skills. Observation allows us to provide children with opportunities to become competent and capable. Explore our blog to learn more about Montessori principles, and about White Bear Montessori School.